Living Geometry

We see shapes all around us.

Square boxes, circular tables, rectangular benches, an oval stained-glass window.

But what about our relationships? Have you ever heard of triangles?

According to Murray Bowen, the human family is an emotional unit and the triangle is the building block of the emotional system within the relationships.

Have you ever felt in the middle of two people? Like you are getting pulled into the conflict or problem?  Have you ever pulled someone else in when you were feeling tension between yourself and another person?

That’s a Triangle: a three-person emotional relationship in which tension, anxiety, and closeness shift between the individuals within the system.

Two people in a relationship can only handle a certain level of tension or anxiety.

When it becomes too much, a third person is pulled in to help stabilize the relationship system and lower the intensity of the felt-tension between a pair.

As the third person is pulled in and a relationship triangle is formed, emotional discomfort decreases and emotional balance is restored.

This is not right or wrong. It just is.

Although triangles can help stabilize relationships momentarily, they often only redistribute rather than resolve the underlying emotional tension. Thus, it's not uncommon for the same relationship patterns to continue across relationships and generations.

Some Ways Counelling Can Help:

Identify the Triangle

Recognize when a third person is being drawn into a triangle to manage tension, anxiety, or conflict between two people.

Increase Awareness

Explore relationship patterns and understand how triangles develop and are maintained.

Recognize Emotional Reactivity

Identify emotional triggers and learn how to respond thoughtfully, rather than reacting automatically.

Develop a Solid Self

Increase the ability to maintain a clear sense of self, your values and beliefs, while staying emotionally connected to other people.

Establish Healthy Boundaries

Learn to avoid taking sides, becoming the mediator, or assuming responsibility for resolving other people's conflicts or taking care of their emotions.

Reduce Triangulation

Learn skills to practice direct communication and address a relationship concern with the person rather than involving a third party.

Manage Anxiety

Learn to tolerate discomfort within a relationship without seeking relief by involving someone else.

Take Responsibility

Recognize one's own contribution to the relationship dynamics and what you can change, rather than focusing solely on change in others.

Address Generational Patterns

Explore how triangulation developed within your family of origin and identify helpful ways to not repeat those patterns.

Improving how a relationship functions is possible. An individual can make choices regarding how he or she will respond within the relationship triangle. When one person changes, it necessarily brings change within how the relationship system will function.

For more information and an example of the Triangulation Process, please refer to this link from the

The Bowen Center for the Study of the Family.